Years ago, I casually made a comment on the bitterness of a beer, and now my friends think I’m an expert. Anytime we go out, I’m the go-to person for beer recommendations. It’s fine though – I’d rather be the person with beer advice than life advice. Like I can help you choose a beer, but for the love of God, please don’t make me think about a real problem you have. The last time I gave life advice a a tiger escaped from the Zoo.
I may possess the most beer knowledge in my friend group, but I’m nowhere near expert status. This past weekend I met a real expert, a certified Cicerone, which is the beer equivalent of a Sommelier. I enjoyed talking with her about beer whilst drinking beer, weaving in what little knowledge I have about beer into the conversation. So today, after doing some important work, I decided to write. And after typing out 400 words about my favorite Thanksgiving tradition (watching all the Friends Thanksgiving episodes), I recalled the conversation with my new friend and decided to kill that post and write about beer instead. Below is a picture of me with a lot of beer bottles. Would someone who doesn’t like beer allow so much beer to be near them? No! I really like beer.
Jack Nicholson was once quoted saying “Beer is the best damn drink in the world.” I would have to agree with my close friend Jack, I’m a fan of beer too. We’re not alone either, as beer is the third most consumed drink, behind water (okay but of course) and tea (GTFO, tea).
Beer is old as fuck. You think PBR is old, well you’re soooo wrong. Humans have been brewing and drinking beer for over 5000 years. If you think about it, PBR is like a new beer when you consider how long beer’s been around. The world’s oldest brewery, Weihenstephan Abbey, is located in Bavaria, Germany and has been in business since 1040! Here’s a to-scale image of one of their beers. Maybe you’ve had it? Or maybe you only drink light beer…in which case, bye.
She spoke very highly of the brewery, and even took out her phone to show me pictures. It took her a while to find it, but she really wanted to show me. I told her I wanted to tour the Half Acre Brewery in Irving Park, and she told me to skip it and go to Dovetail instead. I said okay, because she was starting to intimidate me. I told her I’d heard of Dovetail, but thought they were small. But much like the time I thought my freshman year roommate was stealing my clothes, I was wrong. Dovetail is actually bigger than I thought. Their tours take 90 minutes, so that must mean it’s big, right?
Anyway, that’s all I have for you today. I’m off to the suburbs to enjoy Thanksgiving with family. Last Thanksgiving I got so drunk I came home and ate an entire container of tuna salad. It was enough to make at least three sandwiches. This year I’m not going to do that.