Beauty is Pain

Today, my family and I drove past a salon on our way home from Easter brunch. In the window was a neon sign that said “Threading.” Of course my dad was like “What is threading?”

Threading is a method of hair removal first practiced in the depths of Hell…that’s a joke, but seriously, it’s borderline torture. In a very rare deleted scene from Game of Thrones, Ramsey Bolton threads Theon’s eyebrows. Theon cries out in crippling pain as Ramsey meticulously threads each eyebrow until they are perfectly symmetrical or “on fleek.”

The practice of threading to remove hair actually originated in Asia, and while it allows for more defined and precise shape, it can be incredibly painful, especially for someone with sensitive hair follicles like myself…

One of many repressed memories of my adolescence is the time I got my eyebrows threaded. I was only in 8th grade – I hadn’t even had a proper makeout sesh yet…but my eyebrows were starting to look like a muppet’s, so my mom made me an appointment at our local salon. My mom dropped me off and said something like “have fun!”

I didn’t have any fun. That day I learned what “Beauty is Pain” means. My face tightened as this lady pulled out my eyebrow hairs. The pain fell somewhere between seeing a cute boy in cargo shorts and doing a belly flop with a sunburn. I could literally feel every hair being plucked out one by one by one by one. The lady didn’t seem to care that I was on the verge of tears, and continued threading for several minutes. Finally, it ended. I thanked her as I fought back tears, then ran out of there as quickly as I could. My mom could tell by my face that I was in distress. Through loud sobs I explained to her what had happened. “It was horrible, mom! Horrible! How can that be legal?” Later on, when I was pretty much done crying, I admired my new eyebrows in the mirror. Dammit, they did look good.

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