There’s one topic that I’ve been avoiding up until now, and no…it’s not the debate on whether or not women fart. Obviously women do not fart.
I’m not a very outspoken person, and I’m pretty shy around people I don’t know. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, so I generally keep my opinions to myself. However, I have been known to shake things up now and then. In the fourth grade I told a group of friends to “cut the crap” after overhearing them refer to me as “monkey” because my ears stick out and bananas happened to be one of my favorite snacks. Several years later, I said “Fuck you. I hate you” to this girl who I clearly really did not like. I had some balls back in the day. I would never ever, ever say anything like that that to anyone now (at least not to their face). I’m classy as f*** and like my girl Mother Theresa always said, “Life’s too short to be a bitch.” Anyway, today I’m going to shake things up a bit by tapping into my inner Carrie Bradshaw to voice my frustration with my generation’s new philosophy on dating and relationships.
I’m only 22, but I think I’ve lived long enough to know that life in America is not as great as it used to be. This is coming from an optimistic and typically happy person. The economy is on the same trajectory as Nick Cage’s career post National Treasure. Kim Kardashian has 18 million followers on Twitter compared to Bill Gates’ 13.5 million; I’m up to 252 if anyone cares. On top of all that, Breaking Bad is over. So yeah, times are pretty, pretty, pretty shitty (said in Larry David voice).
Over the past decade we’ve made tremendous progress socially, technologically, and medically, however I don’t think our quality of life has really truly changed in a positive way. One aspect of life that has definitely changed for the worse is the way we approach dating and relationships. Back in the day, even as far back as 1995, a man had to work to get the girl. He’d probably need to spend at least two weeks charming her and spending money on her to even get a chance at getting to second base. Now, it’s so much easier to get with a girl now that dating has become obsolete and replaced with hooking up. Immediate gratification is the goal for most guys because it’s too much work to actually get to know a girl.
Dating is like that sad math teacher who has a cat named Albert, wears sweater vests, and uses a phone clip. Whereas Hooking Up is like that young, hot English teacher who has the prettiest blonde hair, listens to The Strokes, wears designer jeans, and lets the class out five minutes early. She may not be the best teacher, but she has the coolness factor that the other teacher lacks.
In this digital age, it was only a matter of time before an app was created to endorse “hook up culture.” The name of this app is Tinder. Tinder actually comes from the root Tin which means “desperate” in Latin. The concept behind Tinder is to set up individuals based on location and whether or not they “like” each other. You are given a picture, tagline, and mutual “likes” and friends. I used Tinder for a month and I have to admit I can see why people use it. Initially, I treated it as a joke. My tagline was “Hit me up if you want to split a pizza or start a life together.” Then I started using it and realized okay, some of these guys seem normal…but then things got weird. Guys asking me for my snapchat name and making inappropriate comments, saying I have a pretty smile. Just really weird stuff. So Tinder was fun while it lasted, but when you’re 22 and using an app to “meet” random strangers, you’ve basically given up on life. I had to get rid of Tinder and try to restore what little faith I had left in the male population and also reclaim my dignity.
Is Tinder the solution to all of our problems? I can’t think of anything less romantic than meeting someone through Tinder…maybe meeting at an Arby’s or a Trailer Park Convention, or Shriver Center for all you Miami folk. But sadly, an app like Tinder actually makes sense considering the fact that all we ever do is look at our phones all day.
Finally, if you are currently in a relationship and things are going well, congrats! As for the rest of you, specifically the fine young gentlemen out there, the offer of splitting a pizza or starting a life together still stands. Txt me. 847-542-3756.