It’s strange to think that our entire lives are dependent on paper rectangles with old dudes on them. Green, dough, lettuce, benjamins…whatever you like to call it, it’s a central aspect of everyday life. As a college graduate with my future ahead of me, I’ve never been more concerned with finance than I am now. One major change I’ve made since graduating is how I handle my money. I’m trying to be a lot more conservative with money because now that college is over, the day I get cut off financially is impending and I need to be ready. Some of the changes I’ve made to lessen my spending:
I paint my own nails
I buy most of my beauty and personal hygiene products from Walgreens
I’ve replaced Starbucks with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee (this has been especially tough because I live like 2 blocks from Starbucks and I f***ing love Starbucks b/c it’s the koolest and most fashionable way to drink coffee and that’s obvious)
I stopped buying gossip magazines like Star and Us Weekly….I have no interest in reading about how so and so is handling a divorce or which housewife got what plastic surgery, and for Christ sake, I think we’re all well aware that Kim Kardashian has a gigantic behind…enough is enough.
All this talk about budgeting my money makes me yearn for the days when finding a dollar under your pillow felt like winning the lottery. The days when a lemonade stand was considered a respectable way to make money.
As a kid, I became obsessed with money. Taking into account all the stunts I pulled as a kid, it should come as no surprise that I actually resorted to stealing money from my friend’s parents. I got away with it for a week, and for that week I felt like a milder version of John Dillinger. So far, I had lied, cheated, and now I could add stealing to my growing list of childhood offenses/reasons my parents should put me up for adoption. In total, I think I stole around $30 from my friend’s parents over the course of one week.
After I stopped stealing, I decided to try a more honest approach to earning money. I rounded up two of my buddies, Emily and Margaret and we traveled door-to-door offering cleaning services to neighbors. We called ourselves The EMC Cleaners. We had a rehearsed introduction complete with a jingle and it worked like a charm. We were no Merry Maids, but we sure were irresistibly adorable.
Another memorable job I held was a sales rep for Cutco Cutlery…best knives in the game, but I hated that job with a fiery passion. Sure, I made good money, but the manager, Ben, was a pain in my ass. Part of my job was reporting to him each morning to tell him what my schedule was for the day. Half the time I’d lie and make up appointments just to get him off my back. “Hi Ben, so today I have one appointment and I’m going to make a couple calls to schedule some more. Talk to you tomorrow, can’t wait to have the same exact conversation filled with the same exact bullshit.” Needless to say, I quit that job faster than you can say pairing knife. Part of me wishes I’d stuck with it because last night my brother’s friend took a huge group of them to Fogo de Chao and paid for everything using the money he’d made selling Cutco.
I think that’s enough for tonight’s long and rambling post. All this talk about Cutco is giving me major anxiety.